We're facebook friends in real life
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
