I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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