Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
