I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
