Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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