i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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