I wish my penis had an off switch
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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