My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
