i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
