i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
