AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
