she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
