someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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