2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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