Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
