where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
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