My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
