What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
