she was so not down for the gang bang
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Fuck appropriateness.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
