Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
