You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I AM VODKA MAN
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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