You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There r osticjed everywhere
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
