I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize