After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
