Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits

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(330): View more from Ohio

It's just like the Real World with babies

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(310): View more from California

You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.

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(530): View more from California

So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"

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(619): View more from California

You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing

(1-619): View more from California

Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this

(619): View more from California

...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...

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(252): View more from North Carolina

The band last night was really good

(1-252): View more from North Carolina

That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.

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(360): View more from Washington

I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS

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(409): View more from Texas

Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden

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(206): View more from Washington

He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it

(253): View more from Washington

The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence

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