I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
