I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
