i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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