Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
