He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
