you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
