She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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