My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
