My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
vagina is talking i cant
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
