Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
