Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
