Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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