at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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