So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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