I hate your face
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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