fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
