it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize