well I can't set my house on fire every night
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Found the puke drawer
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
