just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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