Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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