Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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