Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
