how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
