wake up i wanna do it froggy style
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
