"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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