I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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