dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
