did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
