My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
