we're blogging at a bar
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
