Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
