did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
