Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
