The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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