You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
