So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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