woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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