I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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