Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She's the barista slut.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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