just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
