I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
