jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
