last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
