About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
